Year 2018 has been a roller coaster for me.
You see the sign “Come in and have a ride of your life!“, your eyes sparkles, intrigued. You close your eyes and hear the sound of laughter and screams in the distance, and your heart pounds in excitement. LET’S DO THIS.
Sometimes I don’t know whether I overthink things or just want to prepare myself for all the possible outcomes. And usually, when most of the outcomes are or will turn out negative than positive, I’d reject the idea seconds later. I’m subconsciously limiting myself from going beyond the norm, from thinking outside the box.
“What if I fall?
Oh, but my darling.
What if you fly?”
— Erin Hanson
When I resigned from my job early this year, I said to myself,”Time to explore”. It took quite a bit of courage and humility to step into another world to convince the interviewer and myself that I want and can do the job. It wasn’t easy to adapt.
The new environment, your new colleagues, the company’s rules and policies are the typical factors to adapt to. But what if you enter into a completely new field? Therein adds the new job scope, the way to approach and solve issues, even a change between physical and mental utilisation.
So I explored and found out things that I like doing and those that I rather not do. I was trying to find out who I am and what am I capable of again. I didn’t wanna be in the same job, doing the same scope my whole life. I intended (still do) to discover what other abilities I have and expand it. Sure, I’ve only been in the same industry for a couple of years and I have not seen nor touched most of the work involved for that job, so my judgments may be premature. But I have a pair of eyes and ears that observed and listened, and foresaw what I would do as time comes. And truth to be told, I don’t like it.
I can already hear the voices asking,”Then why did you choose this field in the first place?” “Do you know how much time and money had been invested in you?”
In this day and age, everything or most things still revolves around having less or more money. How much you earn determines how successful and clever you are.
But hardly anyone asks, how happy are you doing it.
Some of us focus on earning as much money as possible, regardless of the cost to get there. Possibly, sacrificing time, discomforts and happiness.
While some of us focus of our happiness, looking for a purpose in life and then work it out from there.
It’s that cliche war (or collaboration) between doing what you love vs. loving what you do.
“When he was 21 years old, Kevin Smith saw an indie movie called Slacker which inspired him to make movies for a living. He went to film school for four months but dropped out halfway through an eight-month program so that he could keep the $5000 in saved tuition and started making a movie.
His parents gave him $3000 to help him finance the film. He rented a camera and some other gear, asking his friends to act in it as a favor to him. It took only a few weeks to shoot and was shot entirely in black and white.
The public screening only had three people show up. Smith was disappointed: “Why did you do this?” he asked himself. But then 20 minutes into watching it, he relaxed. After the movie was over, he decided to “pay the movie off and make another one, because you loved who you were when this was happening”.“
— Jeff Goins in Learn to Love the Work, or Go Do Something Else
From this article I began to question myself. Do I love the me during the process from doing that work?
The answer was quick and simple.
I was uninspired, rigid and disinterested.
“Signs that it’s time to move on range from an underlying lack of inspiration and waning enthusiasm to an overwhelming unhappiness with your role. If you find yourself constantly envying friends in other fields and daydreaming about making the switch, it’s time.”
— Simon Bromwell in Is now a good time to switch career paths?
You march in there with a positive mind and a smile saying ‘nobody can stop me from doing this!‘. Time passes as you queue – 5 mins.. 10 mins.. Getting closer to your turn. Waiting and waiting, you begin to lose interest compared to when you started. Anxiety suddenly sets in ‘what if I can’t do this, what if I vomit, did I eat too much just now, what if the bolts and nuts needs to be serviced right now I mean it has gone through so many round of rides already, what if I fall off at the loop, I can’t do this‘.
I don’t want to do this anymore.